Pineapples
by ToraTsuin
Summary: Tsunayoshi Sawada is allergic to pineapples and it sucks. This is complete crack.


Tsuna wakes up days after the Mukuro fight to hives and swelling.

It's bizarre to say the least, especially considering his only allergy that causes hives or swelling was pineapples.

Mukuro Roduko was a lot of things. Lonely, twisted, tortured, sadistic among those things. But he definitely belonged to the human race. Not to the pineapples.

Tsuna simply ends up shrugging it off. He's got medication for his allergies in the kitchen and he probably won't see Mukuro ever again.

* * *

Chrome Dokuro walks into the gym and the first thing that comes to Tsuna's mind is Mukuro.

And the hives and swelling.

So when he's wary of Chrome it's less because she's connected to Mukuro and more because he likes being hive free.

Begrudgingly, Tsuna accepts Chrome as his mist guardian. He does turn red in embarrassment when she kisses him though. For the reasons that no one likes Tsunayoshi Sawada enough to kiss him and because he's certain he's going to get hives on his face.

Tsuna's pleasantly surprised and ecstatic when he doesn't get hives. Slowly he forgets about Mukuro and the strange hives in exchange for worrying over Chrome.

He doesn't remember about it when Mukuro posses Chrome's body because he's worried about Mukuro now too.

Before Mukuro leaves and Tsuna's adrenaline is almost gone, Tsuna smells the distinct disturbing scent of pineapple.

Mukuro Roduko still manages to gives him hives that encounter.

* * *

Tsuna is still arguably upset over the whole hives thing even after the Varia leaves them in peace.

He's confused and concerned over the anomaly that is Mukuro Roduko.

It does not help that Gokudera continues to refer to the mist as pineapple.

However when Tsuna talks to Chrome in the future it all becomes clear.

Mukuro Roduko only used pineapple products. Lotion, shampoo, body wash, everything was pineapple.

So when there's a little piece of himself that Tsuna stomps down on: his fear and cowardice in order to confront TYL Mukuro.

The brunette leaves in the middle of the night to avoid anyone who'd prevent him from finding his mist. Because even though he's defeated- _killed_ his mind haunts- Byakuran, someone will undoubtedly stop him.

Tsuna's not too surprised when Mukuro's in the forest acting like he knew Tsuna was coming.

With their mind connection, Tsuna wouldn't be surprised if he did.

The brunette lands gracefully next to his 25 year old male mist guardian. The long ponytail suits Mukuro, Tsuna finds in the comfortable silence.

"Kufufufu," Mukuro finally laughs to break the silence, "why has the bunny come to see me?"

"Do you use pineapple products?" Tsuna's blunt and he can't find that it bothers him. Hives _certainly_ bother him.

Mukuro blinks in shock, staring at Tsuna. "Yes, I do use pineapple products Tsunayoshi. Why?"

Tsuna punches Mukuro's arm, "I'm allergic to pineapples you jerk."

Mukuro watches in amusement as hives appear on Tsuna's hand. "That was your own fault Tsunayoshi. I've never been informed."

"Yeah I know." Tsuna pouts, resisting the urge to scratch,"But your Tsuna will probably appreciate you not using pineapple products."

"Kufufu, I will keep that in mind Tsunayoshi." Mukuro smiles at Tsuna, "You should return to Vongola's base."

Tsuna hums in agreement, "Gokudera-kun might throw a fit huh. But, you know, it's nice to see you out of the tank Mukuro."

Mukuro doesn't reply but Tsuna knew he was grateful for the sentiment.

* * *

It takes the Shimon affair to free Mukuro and only after the Arcobalneo fights did Tsuna start getting close to his male mist. Also until he finally forced the gang into an apartment paid by himself, because Kouyko Land was nowhere near safe enough for those that were _his family._

But Tsuna didn't inform Mukuro- who for whatever reason had no memories of Tsuna's moment with TYL Mukuro- that he was in fact allergic to pineapples for a while. It took a really bad reaction that left him bedridden for days.

Then the teen was livid and quite done with Mukuro's pineapple products.

So on the last day of his recovery Tsuna stormed into the shared apartment. Ken, Chisuka, and Mukuro looked surprised to see Tsuna and the brunette wasn't really surprised they skipped school. He, however, was surprised to see Chrome had skipped as well. Though, Chrome deserved some time to herself.

"Kufufufu, Tsunayoshi I thought you were recovering." Mukuro's underlying curiosity in his voice, "Why are you here?"

Tsuna didn't answer, choosing to go into their shared bathroom. There he found just what he was looking for.

Fucking pineapple products.

The brunette left the bathroom to retrieve a trash bag. He glared at Mukuro as he stopped in the bathroom doorway. "I'm allergic to pineapple Mukuro. I haven't even touched these bottles and my eyes are already watering. You are the reason I was bedridden because you had so many pineapple products on you."

Mukuro blinks in shock as Chrome gasps in realization. Ken and Chisuka sigh because it means someone has to go shopping for new soaps and things.

Tsuna stumbles out of the bathroom ten minutes later. His eyes are puffy and red, hands definitely swollen, and hives everywhere. "God damn it Mukuro just how many pineapple products do you have in there."

"Just the right amount." Mukuro replies, "Tsunayoshi did you bring your allergy medications?"

"Yeah." Tsuna replies, bringing the bottle out. He swallowed two dry and collapsed on the couch waiting for them to kick in. "I can't take them unless I'm reacting."

Five minutes later Tsuna steels himself and returns to the bathroom. Within ten minutes they can hear Tsuna muttering. "Oh my fucking god. How much of this shit do you need? I swear some of this has never even been seen. My nose is burning. Shit."

Tsuna came out looking like he was ready to murder, "Mukuro Roduko, how m ** _uch of this shit do you have? I should murder you simply for wasting money!_** "

Mukuro laughs nervously as Chrome takes the bag away from Tsuna and diffuses his anger. "Tsuna I will get rid of the pineapple products. If I do will you stop touching things that'll cause a reaction? Those hives look terrible."

Tsuna almost argues but even Mukuro looks concerned through his arrogant cover. He sighs and collapses on the couch. "Mm'kay Chrome."

Chrome smiles brightly and cleans the apartment of pineapple products within an hour. Tsuna stays far away from the bag because he can feel hives forming and the burn of the scent even from across the room.

It doesn't help that Mukuro smells like pineapples too.

* * *

Tsuna's hive free for a month after that and everyone's curious as to why he's suddenly so much happier. Chrome can't help but laugh and Mukuro does the same.

But then Tsuna borrows Mukuro's coat and he feels the hives once more.

There's an angry sigh from the sky but by now he's great at ignoring the hives.

He joins the mists on their way home with an evil glint in his eyes. The brunette stomps his way to the laundry room where he finds the pineapple detergent.

And then he promptly chucks it out the window.

He turns and hands Mukuro his coat with a smile that's too sweet. "No pineapple Mukuro. Stick to melon _please_."

Mukuro nods furiously at the death glare he receives from Tsuna. Chrome giggles in sadistic glee in the background. Mukuro sends her a betrayed look that sends Ken and Chisuka into laughter.

Tsuna leaves with one more pointed look to get it through his pineapple obsessed mist before he returns home and takes his medicine.

The brunette sighs at the nearly empty bottle. Hopefully he isn't becoming addicted to the medication.

* * *

Tsuna glides around the small party held for those of his inner circle in happiness. They've deserved some time to celebrate.

"Ah, Tsuna-kun, you'll love this!" Kyoko hands Tsuna a dish with a smile.

Tsuna hums in thanks and takes a bite sine he doesn't detect any traces of pineapple.

The reaction is instant. His throat burns as he drops the plate.

 _God damn pineapples._

Mukuro and Chrome catch on quickly and they're by his side almost instantly. Chrome pats Tsuna's back and Mukuro picks up the plate. Mukuro's distain at the plate is all the conformation Chrome needs.

The mist sighs as he places the plate on a nearby table, "Tsunayoshi why does no one know you're allergic to pineapples other than myself, Ken, Chisuka, and dear Chrome?"

There's a slight shrug from the brunette as he rasps out, "It never came up."

Shamal's glaring from across the room, "Why don't I know?"

"Isn't it in my file?" Tsuna's voice is still raspy and he looks like he's waiting for something.

"No it's not." Shamal growls.

"Sorry." Tsuna smiles sheepishly before his hands fly to his stomach. "Shit."

Mukuro's already picked Tsuna up and poofed away by the time it clicks in everyone else's head.

Mukuro and Tsuna return minutes later. Tsuna goes straight for his drink and downs two pills as Mukuro eyes his hives.

Shamal pushes Tsuna down onto the couch, "What are you allergic to Tsunayoshi Sawada?"

"Pineapples. Allergic to the smell, taste, and I am known to break out instantly in hives if I touch it, even if it's just soap or detergent. If it says pineapple I am allergic." Tsuna sighs, "I am allergic to tuna as well."

That night Tsuna listens to scolding from Ryohei, Shamal, and Reborn. He supposes that pineapples could kill him and that's probably why they're having a fit.

* * *

Tsuna groans when a fight breaks out at the table.

But then a pineapple flies and hits him in the face.

At 22 years of age Tsunayoshi Sawada has determined that pineapples are spawn from the deepest pits of hell.

Lambo freezes as the table reaches new heights of silence.

There's ice spreading across the table from where Tsuna's hands grip the table and the hiss he releases sends shivers down everyone's spine.

Briefly, Tsuna considers banning pineapples from the mansion all together, honestly they're much more trouble than pineapples are worth. He doesn't want Kyoya and Hayato to start joking that Mukuro needs to leave as well though, so he decides not to.

Reborn's the first to break the uneasy silence, "Are you going to live Dame-Tsuna?"

The hitman receives a glare before Tsuna pops two pills in his mouth and swallows. He stands up, ignoring the question, "Excuse me as I go rinse my eye."

When he returns his eye is pink, puffy, and probably swollen.

Lambo looks on with worry but the little cow hides when Tsuna launches the pineapple at poor Kyoya, who threw the first pineapple, with more velocity than Takeshi throws baseballs.

The skylark is sent backwards and out of his chair. He sits up and the bruise on his face is clear to see.

Mukuro and Chrome erupt into uncontrollable laughter, since they'd been exposed to Tsuna's pineapple problem longer.

The laughter ends when Tsuna declares that each of them had to do more paperwork because he couldn't see out of his left eye.

* * *

Tsuna looks down as the pineapple sent as a gift and wonders why God hates him.

He's seriously contemplating taking the pineapple as a declaration of war. He certainly doesn't like the family that sent it anyway. They're human traffickers and that's plenty enough reason to go to war.

When the guardians walk in, Tsuna's still considering the idea.

"Guys, should we go to war because this family sent me a pineapple? Can I consider it a declaration of war and then sent the demon fruit to Mammon?" Tsuna asks bluntly.

"Kufufufu, of course!" Mukuro answers gleefully.

"They're known human traffickers anyway." Chrome shrugs, "I bet they use pineapple products too."

"You'll be able to throw them out a window." Mukuro jokes.

"What the hell are you fucking talking about?" Hayato demands.

"I could, couldn't I?" Tsuna hums, ignoring Hayato, "It's been a while since I've thrown something out the window."

"What are you talking about?" Lambo whines.

"I'm going to throw them out a window." Tsuna declares gleefully, "Kyoya I hope you're ready to bite some people to death! They've sent a declaration of war!"

Mukuro and Chrome grin wickedly, and Kyoya smirks.

* * *

The Don watches in shock as only four Vongola guardians destroy his family. Granted Mukuro and Kyoya are well known for destroying enemies, but the female mist and Don Vongola are shocking.

Don Boluo's sure they covered any tracks that lead to their human trafficking ring, and all he's done is send a pineapple as a gift to the Vongola.

Don Vongola seems to be taking sadistic glee in throwing his men out the window, Don Boluo observes, while the mists' laughter grows each time he does.

By the time all four members come into Don Boluo's office, he's both terrified and confused.

Tsuna smirks as he stalks up to the Don, his voice low, "Now, Don Boluo you're declaration of war was quite shocking. Inevitable, with your petulance for trafficking, but nonetheless unexpected."

The Don sputters, "I never sent a declaration of war, Don Vongola."

"Ah, but you sent pineapples didn't you?" Tsuna grins wickedly when the Don pales, "I consider pineapples declarations of war."

"I'm terribly sorry!" Don Boluo shakes under the dark look in Tsuna's liquid fire eyes. "I wasn't informed!"

Mukuro laughs while Chrome hides her smile behind her hand. Kyoya smirks at the small herbivore that upset his sky.

"Do you know what I do with pineapples Don Boluo?" Tsuna asks deceivingly sweet, "I throw them _out the window!"_

Don Boluo was promptly tossed out the third story window and Tsuna beamed as the man screamed his way down.

"Take that you god forsaken Don." Tsuna mutters, "Seriously I get that Boluo means pineapple but the Vongola doesn't send out clams as gifts."

* * *

It all fun and games for the Varia as Fran makes crude mockeries of Mukuro. The little walking, talking pineapple was the best Mukuro though.

At least until one Tsunayoshi Sawada comes in.

Because anyone with a brain in their head knows that the brunette turned sadistic at the sight of the hated fruit.

Fran doesn't notice it at first and it's largely due to the fact Tsuna looks amused at his little show.

But then Mammon takes a chance and starts eating actual pineapples.

If Mammon hurt their teeth because Tsuna froze it, they don't complain. There's also no complaint when their paycheck is slightly less than usual.


End file.
